“He poisoned my dogs and threatened to hurt my family”

A Tameside woman has told how she lived in fear for her life while trying to escape the grips of an abusive ex-partner.

The mum of three, who has asked to remain anonymous for her own safety, told how her former boyfriend poisoned her pet dogs, threatened to kill her and hurt her children as part of his campaign of terror after she ended their relationship.

She is sharing her story to support Tameside Council’s Sitting Right With You domestic abuse awareness campaign, which launches this week (16 March) with a particular focus on stalking and harassment.

In 2025 (Jan-Dec) there were 3443 stalking and harassment incidents reported in Tameside. Of these, 191 were repeat incidents and 67% of victims were female and 33% were male.

“I didn’t have a clue I was being stalked or coerced before I ended the relationship. But looking back there were lots of red flags which I wish I had paid more attention to before he pushed his way into my life,” said the 49-year-old stalking and harassment survivor.

She told how she had separated from her children’s dad when they were still young and had started online dating when they got older.

She said: “I felt it was the right time to do something for me and I so I started online dating. I connected with this man almost right away, we spoke online for weeks until we eventually agreed to meet. He seemed perfect – he was open, attentive and charming but with hindsight right from the start there were red flags. He seemed to already know an awful lot about me without me telling him – like he had been doing his research.

“After several months of seeing eachother, it all seemed to be going okay and I felt safe enough to let him know where I live. But even then there were alarm bells, there were little jealous signs like him asking me about my male friends on Facebook. But I brushed it off.

“Then more odd behaviour started, he started turning up at my house in the middle of the night and he kept bringing round bags of his stuff that he left here. I felt tired and imposed upon but I was trying to focus on my work so I just let it go.  But before I knew it he had moved himself in and his coercive, jealous and controlling behaviours got worse.

“He was constantly questioning me about when I would be home from work – when I tried to challenge this he said he would change but he soon went back to it. He would try to control what I was wearing and tell me I couldn’t go out looking like that, that I ‘looked like slag’. Once when we were on a walk in the hills he said very calmy ‘I could just push you off the edge now and no one would know’. I felt sick as I knew deep down that he was capable of it.

“I started to feel very scared of him and in real danger and spent a lot of my time just trying to keep my head down and pacify and appease him. I knew I had to get out of the relationship but I also knew he was dangerous and that I needed a safe exit plan.

“I pretended I was ill and depressed and needed some space and asked him to move back in with his parents for a while to give me some breathing space. He left but then I realised he was following me everywhere. I found out later he had put a tracker on my car and was creating fake social media accounts to keep tabs on me.

“He came back to the house one day and said he was going to stab me to death and he started smashing things up in my house. He left when I started screaming and neighbours came and called the police.

“I lived in real terror. He was ringing me all day, every day, he put poison in my garden to make my dogs sick, he threated to hurt my children. He tried to break into my house, he tried blackmailing me. He was an absolute monster. I was so frightened I couldn’t leave the house, I had to quit my job, I feared I was going to die.

“He then tried apologising and saying he loved me and wanted me to come and meet him and that he would take his own life if I didn’t go. I let the police know and they found him – waiting for me in his car armed with knives – and he was arrested. I don’t think he was planning to kill himself that day, he was planning to kill me.”

At this point she was put in touch with The Bridges Partnership, which provides domestic abuse support in Tameside.

She said: “It was so good to have some support, the Bridges Partnership caseworker was really helpful with practical tips and safety planning such as changing your email, your wifi router – even down to changing your Netflix account details as these are all channels they can still stalk you on.”

She shared key advice for other people like herself who starting a new relationship or experiencing controlling and abusive behaviours.

She said: “Don’t ignore red flags. Trust your gut instinct from the start, don’t brush aside things that don’t feel right. You pacify them to keep yourself safe but in doing that you let the abuser in deeper. No matter how afraid you are you still have some power and control to help keep yourself safe, take some control back and get help. There are people who can support you.

“I eventually used Clare’s Law to ask the police to disclose whether he had a history of domestic abuse and it turns out he had – I wish I had done it sooner. I would urge people to use Clare’s Law if they have concerns about a partner to help uncover previous patterns of these behaviours and help keep yourself safe.”

Clare’s Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme (DVDS) is a police policy giving people the right to know if their current or ex-partner has any previous history of violence or abuse.

There is specialist support for all victims of domestic abuse in Tameside, no matter what gender, age or background, at www.bridgespartnership.org.uk or call 0800 328 0967. You can also call them for help if you are concerned for a friend or family member. In an emergency you should always call 999.

Tameside Council Executive Member for Public Health Cllr Taf Sharif said: Stalking and Harassment are common features of domestic abuse often linked to power and control. They can include obsessive behaviours such as constant communications, uninvited visits, following people and even threats to kill, leaving victims feeling scared, distressed and threatened. We want anyone experiencing this – no matter what gender, age or background – to know we can support them through the Bridges Partnership on the contact details provided to safely get help.”